If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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