I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
