I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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