How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
