Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
false alarm, still single
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize