Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
