The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
