My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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