you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
