The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
