ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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