I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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