I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
