God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it glows. i had to have it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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