we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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