I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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