Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
