A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
