The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
