12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
