so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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