so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
