you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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