when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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