Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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