That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
