I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
