too bad you live with your parents still
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
