Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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