I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
