I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
