Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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