yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
