If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
