if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
