in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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