Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
