I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
