Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
