The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
