Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Two words: nipple clamps
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