Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
