party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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