I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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