I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize