Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
