he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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