Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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