I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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