mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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