Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
