Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
