3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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