just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
