oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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