i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
