I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
