My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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