I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
