No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
