Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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