I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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