Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
