I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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