at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
