omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
