At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
