i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The air was thick with penises
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
