I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
