you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
