The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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