its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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