I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
