Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
3 2 1 whiskey
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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