He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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