batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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