she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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