By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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