her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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