I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
