Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
