tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
