Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They have beer where we have blood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
